April 30, 2026
Last Sunday, I shared a statistic in my message that really got to me. So much so that I want to ...
Lakeshore Friends—
Last Sunday, I shared a statistic in my message that really got to me. So much so that I want to expand on it in this weekly update.
More Americans are choosing to walk away from difficult relationships instead of working through them, according to a newly released survey. Nearly two in five Americans (38% to be exact) say they have gone “no contact” with a friend or family member in the past year, according to a survey of 2,000 adults conducted last month by Talker Research. That means that instead of working through conflict, more and more people are simply choosing not to. They simply avoid people that they are in conflict with. Younger Americans are more likely to go “no contact” than older ones.
Here are a few thoughts that I have about this data.
First, I am not really surprised. I am hearing and seeing more of this than I ever have. Friends have told me about this happening to them with more frequency than ever. I’ve seen it happen in churches, and I’ve even experienced it in my own life. It’s getting so common that we have emerging terms for it. When we try to reach out to people and they don’t respond or simply stop interacting with us, we call it “ghosting” or “going dark” or “being blocked”.
Second, I know this really hurts those who have been “cut off”. It’s a helpless feeling- being unable to work through conflict, and a feeling of hurt that cuts pretty deep inside as a consequence.
Third, it’s an indication that people are less skilled at conflict resolution and dialogue than ever before. Is it the overuse of social media and diminished relational skills? Texting over talking? The toxic environment that exists in America where name calling and labels like Nazi, Hitler, Fascist, and Racist are so overused and misapplied for people who disagree with us that we have grown numb to the fact that all people do in fact bear the image of God and don’t deserve such false attacks? Is it the work of the evil one to divide us? I think it is all of this and more.
Finally, I think it is leading to more loneliness in the lives of those who actually decide to go “no contact”, and more pain for those who have to try to function around this relational disfunction. They actually make their lives worse by cutting people out of their lives.
While I do believe that there is a place for “no contact” relationships— for example, non-stop toxic family members, abusers and the like— most of the time this trend is a reflection that our country simply does not live according to the truth of the Bible. If they did, they would know that conflict resolution is always the goal and God provides the motivation and skills on how to do so in places like Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 7:3-5, Ephesians 4:26-27, and Romans 12:18 to name just a few.
We need to get back to God and to the truth He teaches us in Scripture. We need to value conflict resolution like God values it. After all, God had every reason to go “no contact” with us but instead made contact by sending Jesus as the Son of God to Earth to offer rescue and salvation.
I believe attending church often and faithfully is the place to start. Being with others who are going in the same direction of wanting to discover more about God and to develop their faith has the effect of helping us mature faster than trying to live as The Lone Ranger in life. Don’t forget, The Lone Ranger did have his friend Tonto!.... yeah, you may have to Google that one. We grow together. We learn to relate to each other in love. We serve together. We worship together. We pray for each other. We care for each other. We are there for each other. Of course we don’t do it perfectly, but we strive for it and see the results in those who just want to get closer to God and others.
That’s what the church is all about.
Thanks for making Lakeshore a great church that strives to do these things. Life is a lot better when we go “full contact” with God and each other.
Warmly,
Vince