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Two Ears, One Mouth, Do The Math

Defrosting Communication, part 4 of 7
The bible says that every person should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. It teaches us that we should do more listening than talking when faced with communication with others. In effect, it is why God gave us two ears and one mouth. If we do the math it helps us understand that if we do actively listen and talk judiciously, we will communicate effectively. In this talk we will discuss listening, speaking, and communicating in ways that lead to relational double wins.

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“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven… there is a time to be silent and a time to speak.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7b)

I) TWO EARS: HURTFUL HEARING HABITS

1) ___INSINUATION___ before fully listening.

“He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.”
(Proverbs 18:13, NIV)

2) ___IMPATIENCE___ while you’re listening.

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable…”
(Proverbs 10:19a, NASB)

3) ___INDIFFERENCE___ after listening.

“The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”
(Proverbs 12:15, NIV)

II) ONE MOUTH: SELFISH SPEAKING STYLES

1) ___LOOSE LIPS___ that speak too much.

“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.”
(James 1:26, NIV)

2) ___BIG BOASTS___ that speak too arrogantly.

“Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire…”
(James 3:5-6a, NIV)

3) ___TWO-TONGUES___ that speak in contradiction.

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”
(James 3:9-10, NIV)

III) DOING THE “EARS AND MOUTH” MATH

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
(James 1:19-20, NIV)

Three essentials for effective dialogue

1) “Quick to listen”: Learn the art of ___ACTIVE LISTENING___.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
(Ephesians 4:2-3, NIV)

“…But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
(Proverbs 10:19b, NASB)

2) “Slow to speak”: Carefully choose words that __BUILD UP__.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
(Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

3) “Slow to anger”: Focus on the problem not __THE BLAME__.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV)